Text Me
by Clockwork Mockingbird
Summary: In which Darcy gets Steve's number and proceeds to drag him into the modern world via text. DarcyxSteve ShieldShock
1. Chapter 1

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I stole your number from Nat

Also hi this is Darcy

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You stole from Nat. Is that even possible?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Weeeeeell, more like I asked her what kind of phone she had, saw your number and promptly told her I was taking it. She didn't argue so I figured it was okay.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If it wasn't you would know. Any particular reason you needed my number?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Not really, just wanted it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Should I be worried?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Meh, probably not.

But maybe yes.

Mostly I want to see how many references I can make to things you don't know about before you catch on and I'm bored because Jane is sciencing away and I left my iPod upstairs.

We should hang out again.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If this is another attempt to drag me to see some kind of movie aimed at women...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

They're called chick flicks, and it's not. Yet. Muwahahaha.

Besides, if I want you to do something all I have to do is ask Nat to make you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

And if you try to tell me you didn't like Penelope you're a lying liar who lies.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

And if I say I'm not going to watch another chick flick?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Is the small red thing on Coulson's desk your iPod?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve Rogers, you know as well as I do that if I want you to come do something with me you'll say yes because you know better than to tell Nat no.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Everyone knows better than to tell Natasha no.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Fine then I'll make your ringtone "Smack That" and not tell you how to change it back.

Also yes it is and I totally should have known Coulson had it. AGAIN.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You'll change it to what?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Riiiiight, forgot you're more behind on the music scene than you are everything else.

But this totally means I can change it and you won't have a clue and that's a beautiful thought.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Smack That is not music.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I dunno, it's kinda catchy. Gets stuck in my head sometimes, hence why it's on my iPod.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Smack that, all on the floor...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Wait, did you take my iPod just to listen to that?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You have a lot on here by AC/DC. Isn't that one of the bands Stark likes? I can never tell what the songs actually are when he plays them. All I hear is noise and Miss Potts yelling at him to turn it down.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Well somebody's getting a shitton of CD's. I would just upload the songs for you but according to Nat you have a record player and a radio and not much else. Time to get with the new age Steve!

Or at the very least this century. I'll dust off my old CD player for you. The pink one with Hello Kitty all over it that I got in like sixth grade.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Why was Natasha in my apartment?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

On second thought, I don't want to know.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Are you still messing with my iPod? I knew I shouldn't have left it on my desk. Coulson always steals it. Bring it to me before I tape Jane's mouth shut. All I'm hearing is blah blah science blah blah magic blah blah Darcy if you don't stop making Charlie Brown's teacher noises at me I'll lock you in the supply closet.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

A soundtrack means The Princess Bride is a movie right?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

ARE YOU SERIOUS

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE PRINCESS BRIDE

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Are you actually yelling?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I can actually hear you yelling in the basement and I'm twenty three floors away.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

stop making darcy yell. it's scaring the other interns.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

The next time I see you, you're getting both the book and the movie.

Seriously, this is like a crime or something. Never heard of The Princess Bride. What the hell. What. The. Hell.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Natasha. Why.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Sorry Cap, I'm with Darcy on this one. The Princess Bride is mandatory. No exceptions.

But if you're asking why I let Darcy get your number, the answer is simple: I thought it would be entertaining.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Read the book first and then watch the movie. Seriously. I mean it. Buy them if you have to. I'll loan you my copies. I'll steal them for you. Whatever it takes. Everyone must experience TBP. No exclusions, substitutions, or refunds.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

...was that last line a reference to something? I have a feeling it was.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oy. You're worse than I imagined. Don't worry dude, I'll get you up to speed. We might even get you through the eighties before the world ends. Big hair, bright neon colors, tight pants, David Bowie's crotch.

I have pictures of Coulson in metallic leggings from 1984. It's hilarious.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That is a terrifying mental image.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You ain't seen nothing yet.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

why is my assistant laughing maniacally

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

I don't know but I have a feeling I should be afraid.

* * *

To: Lewis, Darcy

From: Coulson, Phil

Where did you get them, why did you get them, how did you get them, and how many people have you shown the photos to?

* * *

To: Son of Coul, Steve

From: Jane

okay seriously if you guys don't stop making darcy laugh like that i'm locking the three of you in a room with her and shutting off the wifi and if she ties you guys up out of sheer boredom i'm not going to feel sorry for either of you


	2. Chapter 2

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Okay, the book was amazing.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

RIGHT? I have like three copies of it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I actually liked Buttercup even though she wasn't always the brightest person.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I know. She seemed real, you know? Like "yeah I'm pretty and yeah I'm not as smart as you but I still have a mind and I can and will use it"

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I honestly don't know how the movie will hold up to this.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh, it will. Trust me.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm slightly hesitant on the trusting thing but willing to watch it with you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Excellent. I'll bring the popcorn. Park your spangly ass on the couch. Be there in twenty.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

My ass is not spangly. Stop hanging around Stark so much.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Just cause you don't have stars on your ass doesn't mean your ass isn't spangly. I mean, it's NICE, but it's still spangly.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Are you saying you look at my ass?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Well duh

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Wow.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Your ass is plastered across the internet and I see you in those tight pants all the time. You'd better believe I snuck a peek.

Do you want a sandwich or something? I'm starving.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

So you know there are no spangles on my ass because you apparently look at it all the time, but it's still spangly?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

It's a nice ass. If it bothers you, I'll go back to looking at Clint's.

Sandwich yes/no?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yes on the sandwich please, thank you.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Do you stare at everyone's ass or just mine and Clint's?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh I check out a ton of asses. Tight buns in even tighter pants are a beautiful, beautiful thing.

And I've seen you looking at some yourself so don't pull that aw-shucks routine on me. My grandpa was in the army. I heard the stories.

Not to mention Clint told me about The Thing in Russia so the mama's boy act will never EVER work on me.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

What thing? There was no thing. Never listen to Hawkeye, that's rule number one of being in the tower.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Please, like he was going to keep THAT quiet. You're just lucky Tony doesn't seem to know.

On my way with snackage and the greatest cinematic masterpiece of our time.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Well, MY time.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You weren't even born when the movie was made.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Technically you weren't really alive either. You were too busy being a non-wolly mammoth to experience the greatness of Cary Elwes.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

And if you think I'm forgetting about The Russian Thing you are sorely mistaken

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Remind me to kill Hawkeye later.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh come on, getting kissed by a male Russian supermodel as he tries to kill you isn't the worst thing that could have happened.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm not talking about this.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Does it bother you that a dude came on to you?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No. Geez, Darcy. No, it's not the first time a man has hit on me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Reaaaaaaaally? I must hear more of this. Do explain. Explain in great detail and loudly so that I may record this for further research.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You know, I'd rather tell you about the Russian Thing.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

If you tell me about guys hitting on you, I'll tell you about the loser I wasted six months of my life on. Dude was totally not worth it and now I have to find a new Starbucks to haunt.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

In a nutshell: I thought he was a she at first and flirted with her to help the other agents sneak in and THEN realized that she was a he.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh. OH.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

So when she whipped out a gun and tried to blow you away you were totally caught by surprise.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

What gun? There was no gun.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm gonna give you a minute to figure that out on your own before I shatter your innocent little mind.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Ah. Got it.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Do you really or are you just pretending to look manly?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Army. Rifles and guns are very separate things. Also why do you know that? You shouldn't know that.

Never mind, you know more than you should and let's leave it at that.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

This is my rifle, this is my gun.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

One is for war, one is for fun.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Oh please, you were hoping I'd say it. Are we watching this movie or what? Natasha told me if I hadn't seen it by the end of the week she would kidnap me and force me to watch it over and over. I don't think she was kidding.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy, seriously. Natasha has secret rooms all over the world. I'm pretty sure she has one that can hold me. Don't make me start watching without you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Sorry, sorry, on my way. Had to stop to get my laughter under control. I think I scared some newbie agents. Why are there always agents downstairs again? Seems weird that the Avengers are upstairs and SHIELD is downstairs. Though I like that SHIELD can't go up past floor 25. I feel special that I'm allowed to go wherever.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

And remind me to add an Aerosmith song to that CD I owe you. Trust me, it needs to be on there.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'll get back to you on the trust thing...


	3. Chapter 3

To: Steve

From: Darcy

YOU ARE MISSING MOVIE TIME

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I can't believe you're missing movie time. How dare you skip out on watching movies to go save the world or rescue a kitten or whatever it is you're doing

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

What is more important that movie time

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

NOTHING

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Unless it's aliens

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Aliens are pretty important. I mean, the last one I saw tried to kill me, but before that it was Thor and he's pretty damn important to Jane and me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I just realized that pretty much means I have an alien for a big brother. Score.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Huh. I wonder if/when Thor gets back I should point him in the direction of my ex who needs to leave me the hell alone.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

So Coulson says what you're doing is above my paygrade which means it's probably pretty damn important and/or dangerous. You are excused from missing movie time but you have to bring me more popcorn. I sort of ate all of our stash.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

So you've been gone for like a week

And Nat is gone too

Are you two trying to blow up a country?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I am so bored I could set something on fire

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Well not ACTUALLY because Jane's been known to have equipment explode and let me tell you it is not fun to get evacuated at three am you're standing outside in your bathrobe even if there are cute firefighters around, offering you blankets.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Sorry I missed our movie night. I was out of the country. Heading back now.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh hey! Nice timing, I just subscribed to Netflix and the robot voice from the ceiling said he'll hook up my account to the projector so we can watch mindless trash in style.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

The robot... you mean JARVIS?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

How was the mission I totally know nothing about? Did you blow anything up?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If there's nothing on the news, no.

If there's something on the news, it was Natasha.

If Coulson asks, I said nothing.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Man, everyone gets to go do awesome stuff and I'm stuck here, force feeding Jane and reminding her that her bed is for sleeping and her table is for notes, not the other way around. I wish I could be a super secret ninja spy. I'd dropkick my ex and vanish before he knew what hit him.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You want to join SHIELD?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

And do I need to do something about this ex of yours? That's the second time you've brought him up.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Eh, SHIELD is never gonna happen but I can dream. I'm not in good shape and I only know self-defense and a few holds Nat showed me. Pipe dream, but it's a good one. I'd rock that suit Agent Hill and the other chicks wear. But I also hit myself in the face with nunchucks the other day so...yeah, not signing up for agent-in-training any time soon. And forget about the ex thing, the dude's just being annoying.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You... you hit yourself in the face... with nunchucks...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

They're harder to catch than I thought!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Were you saying 'hi-yah'? Leaping through the air like Jackie Chan?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Okay 1) I'm impressed you know who Jackie Chan is and B) shut up

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

It was not a good week. Whatever you're doing to make him laugh, keep doing it.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Darcy

Everything okay?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

Now it is :)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Stop laughing or I'll... I'll... I'll duct tape you to the wall! I'll use that special stuff Pepper has just for Tony! I'll tape you up and force you to watch the chickest chick flick that ever did chick.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Tell me someone got pictures. JARVIS saved the video footage didn't he? I have to see this.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

No way. I know you're already laughing at me and you'll never stop if you actually SEE me making a fool of myself. I'm never touching those things again.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If I promise not to laugh, can I see?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Only if I get to come on a mission with you one day and blow something up. No reason for you to have all the fun.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Also you're a liar. There's no way you won't laugh.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You didn't actually hurt yourself did you? I couldn't laugh at that.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy.

Whaaaaaat. You totally laughed your ass off when Tony fell through the grate on the catwalk and sprained his wrist. You were laughing so hard you had to sit down.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yes, and that's Stark. It's always funny when he hurts himself because he was trying to show off. You laughed too, don't deny it.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I admit nothing. So will you be back for movie time or do you wanna just head home and crash? I'm staying at Jane's and I've got a while before she's done for the day.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Most likely I'll stay in the tower for the night. What movie did you have in mind?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm in the mood for action. Lots of explosions, hot guys with huge muscles, hot badass chicks, fire, the end of the word, gunfights, you know, all that jazz.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Not sure if I should trust your judgement, The Expendables was not as entertaining as you said.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

But there were explosions! Explosions are always good!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Wow that is some spectacular irony. I retract my 'always good' statement and replace it with 'only good in movies'

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Did you actually blow something up?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

The pilot just told us that he got the news that something really did explode in the lab. Are you hurt?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

We'll be there in five minutes.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm ok

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

What happened? Who's hurt? Are you okay?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Seriously dude, totally fine. Just some scrapes and cuts is all. Something that could explode if added to whatever Jane was mixing was knocked into whatever Jane was mixing because an intern tripped and the thingie blew and the windows shattered but no one was really hurt. We all hit the deck pretty fast cause let me tell you when someone science-y yells 'get down' you GET DOWN or you go flying across the room.

Damn. I have glass in my hair.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nat and I are getting the doors open, stay back

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Son of a bitch I broke my glasses

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

you're luck it wasn't worse. if you hadn't thrown the polymer when you did it probably would have killed us.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Like killed us killed us? Dead? Six feet under, kicked-the-bucket, should-have-kissed-that-dude-while-you-still-could?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

yeah. you SURE you're okay? let the medics poke at you some more please, for the sake of my sanity.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Holy shit. Guess it's a good thing I played softball in high school and can throw really far. Seriously though did you see how far it went? That was a damn decent throw if I do say so myself. Darcy Lewis, softball ninja.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Give me twenty to change and get my other pair of glasses from my room. And however long it takes me to dodge Coulson because I do not want to fill out any more of his freaking forms. I saw science thingie about to blow, I threw science thingie across the room and stopped, dropped, and rolled the hell away from fireball of doom. The end.

I can now add 'threw flaming object across room' to my list of life experiences. I feel like I've accomplished something.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You did accomplish something. That was some quick thinking. Everyone else panicked and froze. You saved lives. It wasn't the smartest of moves, but it was a good one.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm awesome like that. Think Stark will be pissed I blew the wall out? He'd better not take it out of my pay- I didn't mix the thing into the other thing, I just threw it before it, ya know, EXPLODED

Seriously though, I'm starting to get twitchy now. Feel like I just drank six gallons of Jane's sludge she calls coffee. Have you ever had that stuff? It's like drinking tar.

I'm bringing my James Bond collection and we're vegging out on the couch until I feel less twitchy.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You're lucky. You could have been hurt. It could have been a lot worse, but it wasn't. You, Miss Lewis, were very awesome today. And I don't often say awesome.

You are okay, right? Medically and otherwise?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh pshaw. I tazed the god of thunder. Once you add that to your resume, exploding science labs aren't such a big deal. In fact, it's kind of the norm if Tony is around. I try and be gone when he's around because he enjoys minor acts of mayhem and Jane doesn't sleep for three days. Children, I swear.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Some of my hair got burned off.

Mother EFFER I am going to MURDER that intern


	4. Chapter 4

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Look just give me my shit back and stop blowing up my phone. You know I'm at work, asshole. Stop bothering me and get on with your life. It doesn't involve me anymore.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Since I neither have any of your stuff nor am I bothering you (I don't think), I'm assuming that text was meant for someone else?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh fuck, sorry Steve. Ignore it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I clicked on the wrong conversation. Just ignore it!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yeah, no. I don't think I can. Who has your stuff and refuses to give it back to you and why are they blowing up your phone?

Which, according to Natasha, means they won't leave you alone. Meaning someone is bothering you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Ugh, seriously don't worry about it. Just my ass of an ex boyfriend.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

This isn't the first time you've mentioned him. Who is he and where does he live?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Seriously, it's nothing. I just left some stuff over at his place eons ago and he keeps "forgetting" to bring it back and "forgetting" when I'm at work and therefore not home. He also apparently forgot that we're not dating anymore and he has no say in what I do and should go fuck himself. Men are assholes. No offense.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

None taken, but only because I know it's true. You know if you're in trouble you can always come to me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I... yeah, I do know. Thank you. However, I just want my stuff back, not for his legs to be broken.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Now, now, you know I wouldn't break his legs. I'd send Natasha to do that.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Ha

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Talk to me. What's going on?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

It's nothing. Don't worry about it for real.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm going to worry about it anyway, and if you don't tell me, I'm going to worry about it even more.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If I promise not to let Natasha break his legs will you fill me in so I don't go crazy trying to stop myself from tracking him down? I'm pretty sure I'd break the gym and I doubt Stark wants to pay for more reinforcement in the walls.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Dude there are soooo many more things you should worry about and all of them are way more important than my side drama. It's just normal ex-being-an-ass thing. Happens all the time. Which is kinda sad if you think about it, but it's totally nothing to worry about. Really. Anyway, I have to head to the lab now. Pretty sure Jane was here all night and if she was then I'll have to feed her and take her out for a walk. Laters!

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

The last guy Darcy dated. You wouldn't by any chance know his name or where he lives?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

greg walker. total jerk. he's been giving darcy trouble lately actually. any chance you know the story there so i can tell you to kick his ass?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

I know a little but obviously not enough. What's going on? Is she in trouble?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

the guy started off as just a usual ass. he didn't want them to break up but darce called it off and now he's practically stalking her until she agrees to talk to him. she was gonna just ignore him but

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

But?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

any news on the greg situation? you can crash in my guest room as long as you like but something has to be done about him and if you won't do something i will

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

UGGGGGHHHHH

He won't go awaaaaaaay. I'm toying with the idea of giving Nat his name and telling her to make him disappear but I'm afraid she'll take me literally.

Why do I always get the crazies?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

but he started showing up at her apartment and according to her neighbors will wait there for an hour or two a day when he knows she's at work. darcy's a little freaked about that. she bought a new lock and has been staying with me but she can't avoid her own apartment forever.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Steve

I need everything you have on someone named Greg Walker. Lives in the city.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Nat

Give me something more than a name, there are forty-two Greg Walkers that live within five miles of the tower. Any particular reason? Usually I like to know why I'm handing over someone's information before I give it up.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

How old is Greg? Where does he work?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm going to kill Jane.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Either I get the information from you or I go to her.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Dammit Steve.

Dammit Jane.

Just dammit.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Fucking hell. Fine. He's 26 and works at the Starbucks all the interns hang out at after work. But if you go down there you risk my wrath and let me tell you, my wrath before coffee is a very dangerous thing.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

At this point I don't really care if you get angry. I'm going over to Greg's to make him rethink coming anywhere near you. He's harassing you Darcy. I won't stand for it.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

GOD DAMMIT JANE

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

you said you'd have it figured out by the end of the week. it's the end of the week. he's not going to go away on his own. i'm giving steve all the info i have on greg.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh my god please don't. This is something I need to handle. I'll just go over there when I know he's at work and get my stuff and buy more locks and it'll be fine. There's no need for you to go all Captain America on his ass.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

He's dangerous. You should have said something.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

GREG? DANGEROUS? The only time he's even remotely dangerous is when a customer pisses him off and even then he'll just spit in their drink. He's majorly passive-aggresive, actually. Annoyingly so. Dude can mess with someone's head, but dangerous? Don't make me laugh.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

He's essentially stalking you. He's turning up at your apartment at random hours and calling and texting you all the time. You've been staying with Jane because you don't want to be home in case he comes by. He's scaring you, Darcy, and I am not going to let him keep doing it. This ends now. You're my friend and you need help. I'm going to help you whether you like it or not.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

26, works at the Starbucks on the corner.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Sending you the info in a sec. What did he do to get you all worked up?

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

He's harassing Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Oh? Excuse me, I have a sudden craving for a latte.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Why do I have the feeling that Nat just stalked out of the building with her murder face on?!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That, I had nothing to do with. I asked for info on Greg and she disappeared. I didn't stop her. I know better and she'd probably be the best one to do some scouting.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Great, now EVERYONE knows I was involved with a loser. This is humiliating. I'm gonna fling myself off the tower now.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Hey. You know we're only doing this because we care, right? We're not judging you or mocking you, Darcy. You just got into a bad situation. Everyone does. Everyone makes mistakes. Not all of the mistakes are named Greg, but at least it's no Russian Thing. Jane would have said something sooner or later, and I'm glad we found out when we did. According to the info Natasha sent me, there have been reports of him stalking women in the past- most of them exes. All of them are beautiful, curvy, brunettes with glasses, just like you, and all of them went to the police because of him. Nothing was ever done to put him away but he is still bad news, and if you had gotten hurt when I could have helped you I never would have forgiven myself.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh my god. Oh my GOD. The first guy I've dated in a year turns out to be a creepy stalker and I'm his type.

Go fucking figure.

Okay, go Captain America on his ass. I don't want this creep on the streets. Sic Nat on him. Get him awaaaaaaay.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Steve

All right. Let's get him.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

I need alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

works for me. we'll go drinking tonight. two dollar margarita pitcher's at tally's.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Awesome sauce. Cheap alcohol is better than therapy. Let's get sloshed and forget all about creepy stalker assholes named greg.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

greg who? ;)

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I don't really have any experience with this- well okay I have no experience with dating period, other than a list of failed first dates a mile long, but I am always here if you need me, even if you just need something to hit.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Are you nuts? You're like made out of solid steel. I'd break my hand if I ever hit you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Thank you

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Anytime.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Also tell me sooner next time you need something taken care of. Nat just made him pee his pants.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Really?! Oh my god tell me you took a picture!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

**Picture message received**

Don't let Steve give me all the credit. He made the dude cry.

* * *

To: Steve, Nat

From: Darcy

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

Also I apologize in advance for any drunk texts and/or phone calls you might get from me tonight. Jane's taking me drinking and I can't say no to two dollar pitchers.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Don't drink too much. Who else will throw flaming fireballs of doom away from innocent scientists if you're too hungover to move?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

The flaming fireball of doom is another reason I need to drink. The lab exploded and my ex turned out to be a legit psycho. You don't even understand my need for all things alcoholic right now.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Promise you won't wind up on the internet. I'm still recovering from seeing some of Stark's videos on youtube.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I make no such promises.


	5. Chapter 5

To: Darcy

From: Steve

**Picture Message**

Look what I bought today.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh my god. Alert the media! Steve Rogers actually has a piece of technology that isn't for communication. I may faint! Also what is your faaaaace. Gah, you're adorkable.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Adorkable? I've heard a lot of things used to describe me, but that one's new. What exactly does it mean and should I be offended?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Haha, no. Adorkable is a Darcy Special. It means you're an adorable dork.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Adorable, huh. Been a while since I've been called that. Usually it was the elderly people in my old neighborhood pre-serum who called me that, and I'm pretty sure it was mostly said with sarcasm and pity.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I've seen pictures of you from back when. You were so cute! I want to like snatch you and hide you in my closet forever. Little Steve was adorable! Too bad now you're just hot. Or something. The tabloids can't get over your abs.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Not that I'm complaining about seeing your abs splashed all over the place mind you...

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Pre-Serum Steve was cute?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

YES. Oh man, your little face! Bet you were a total sweetie back then too. I mean, you're sweet now, but you've also got this mystery aura about you that just lures women in. I swear it's like some kind of scent or something because I cannot walk down the street with you without getting glared at. I can barely walk two steps with you in the tower before female agents are deciding how to make me disappear! You're bad for my well being.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

We could always stop walking around together

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Let's not get crazy now.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

What size iPod is that anyway? If it's got a bigger memory than mine I can just send you all of my music and help you hunt down anything you might want. IDK what the hell you listened to before, but if we can't find it on iTunes I'll probably be able to track it down online. There are ways!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Uhhhh... it says 164 gigs. Is that good?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You lucky son of a bitch. I've got a 64 gig one, so we're good to go on memory. I wonder what music Nat listens to. We could probably gank some of her favs too. Hang on, I'll ask her.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

It worries me that you and Natasha are friends. You're already diabolical and now you're learning hand-to-hand from someone who can vanish from right in front of me. And who could probably kill me with her little finger if she wanted.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Please don't teach Darcy anything dangerous. She might take over the world.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Well now I want to.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You up for a movie tonight? I'm in the mood to relax after last week.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oooo, yes! I just got some new ones. Another rough mission? Nat looked kinda beat when you guys got back. You did too, but you're all super soldier-y and bounce back fast and you were fine after twenty minutes of chilling. Can I ask what happened or is it one of those if-I-tell-you-I'd-have-to-kill-you situations?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Or if you don't want to talk about it that's cool too.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No, I won't have to kill you. You'll just have to be locked away in a secure facility for the remainder of your days, trapped in a small room, no sunlight, and only Crime and Punishment to keep you company.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

*gasp* No! Do I at least get a bed?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nope. Thin mat on a concrete floor, and no pillow.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Noooooooooooo! Not the pillow! Take my shoelaces, my belt, my hair products! Just don't take away my pillow!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Heh.

Well, it wasn't exactly a good mission. They never really are. There's always the chance that someone will get hurt, or worse, and this was one of those times. I can't save everyone.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

No, you can't. Sometimes you're not meant to, and sometimes people don't want to be saved, or they can't be, but you still try and that's what makes you who you are. I won't tell you you shouldn't feel guilty (even though you shouldn't) because it won't stop how you're feeling, but I know you did your best and that's all anyone can ask for. Were you or Nat hurt? I saw her the next day but you know how she is about appearing to not be injured. To her mind, if she's not bleeding all over the place then it can't be that bad.

Yet if I get a papercut, she's all 'BANDAGE THAT NOW RAWR'

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No, we were okay.

Thank you, Darcy. It won't make the guilt go away, but I do feel a little better. So much has been happening lately and I don't want to drop all of my problems on the others. Everyone has issues of their own to deal with, so I should learn to deal with mine.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Being friends with someone means sharing the bad times right along with the good. I may not understand half the stuff you guys do, and I may not be a soldier or a spy or know how to hack into secret files or crawl through an air vent, but I'm always here to listen. If you need to talk, or just need me to sit silently beside you and watch a bad movie, I'm totally up for it.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

And sometimes, sucky things suck less after you talk about them. Even if it's not with me, if something's bothering you, talk to someone about it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Part of me wants to not drag you into the world I live in, but you already live in it. I have to keep reminding myself that you're not an Avenger, but you're strong, and you can handle whatever life throws at you. I feel like an idiot when I try and hide stuff from you. You usually find out anyways. Are you sure you're not a spy?

Oh no. Natasha's teaching you how to be a spy, isn't she? I knew it. You really are going to take over the world.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

THE WORLD WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT IT. MUWAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Also I totally can absolutely handle life. The Norse god of thunder has met the business end of my tazer, I've impaled a dark elf or whatever the hell those things were on the science sticks Jane made, AND I've made Nat laugh before. Bring it ON, life. I can totally handle it all!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Unless his name is Greg. Him you can keep.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If he even comes NEAR you...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

He hasn't, he hasn't. Breathe.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I mean it. If you see him, even if you think it might be an accident, tell me immediately. I don't want him anywhere near you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Does the overprotective thing come with being a soldier? My grandpa was like that too, but I just figured he was, you know, being gramps.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No, that's a Steve Special. I protect people I care about.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Awwwwwww. See, you're totally sweet!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Just don't tell anyone. It's a secret.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure most of the women stalker fangirls you have already know. That video of you letting that little boy ride on your shoulders broke all the youtube records. Captain America helping a lost little boy find his dad in the crowd makes for some good PR, and a few assholes think that's the only reason you did it (side note: don't ever read the comments on youtube if you want to keep your faith in humanity), but I know you, Captain Teddybear. You've got a heart of gold under all that muscle.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Well, shucks, ma'am. I was just trying to impress my gal, but I sure am pleased that the little fella found his way back where he belongs. I tip my hat to you. Good day.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Is that you laughing?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That is you laughing. Breathe, Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I need you to record yourself saying that, but with a southern accent, so I can put it online and totally shatter what's left of your tough guy persona.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nope. And if you ever tell anyone just how soft I am, I'll lock you away in that room. No pillows for you. Ever again.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY PILLOWS. NEVER!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

So: movie?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yes.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Awesome. I have another great one for you. Romancing the Stone.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I thought we talked about chick flicks. Didn't we talk about chick flicks? We had an agreement. Don't make me take your pillows.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm pretty sure you just said something but all I hear is JUDGEMENT JUDGEMENT JUDGEMENT. This is another one of those movies you must see at least once and if you don't like it, you're wrong. I hunted for this on DVD for months before I finally found it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, but only because you've forced me to watch movies I wouldn't have picked out myself and I wound up liking nearly all of them. Bring it up. I'll head to the kitchen and make the popcorn.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Nearly all of them? Which ones haven't you liked? This is important information. If you don't tell me these things, I won't know you don't like them and I'll bring more just like them and you'll slowly start hating me and movie time will be ruined forever and always.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I highly doubt I could hate you.

You already know I wasn't too fond of The Expendables. The classic James Bond movies were great, but the newer ones weren't to my taste. Bridesmaids wasn't as funny as you said it would be, and we agreed to disagree on Sweeny Todd even though you need some professional help.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Noooo, I don't need help, you're just wrong. How did you not find Bridesmaids funny?! I give up on you. You're hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Well, clearly I need someone to guide me. No one else can handle this responsibility as well as you. Obviously you're the only one for the job.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Nope, I'm done. You're a lost cause.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

**Picture Message**

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Son of a bitch I never should have taught you how to send selfies. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO TO A POUTY STEVE?!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Does that mean you're on your way? Because I have all this popcorn and a BLT with your name on it...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

...a BLT? With honey mustard? Toasted on one side?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yup. But I guess if you don't want it I'll just throw it out.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Siiiiiiigh. I suppose I could help you some more. I mean, you're clearly lost without me.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

**Picture Message**

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Now that is a shit-eating grin if I ever saw one. Be there in a few, and that sandwich better be perfect or I'll leave you to navigate the modern world on your own and you'll never figure out facebook without me.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I swear to god if you leave me to my own devices with facebook all of your pillows are going to mysteriously disappear.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

YOU TOUCH MY PILLOWS AND I WILL END YOOOOU


	6. Chapter 6

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Give me the beat boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light. Those days are over, you don't have to sell your body to the night.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Only darkness when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, this house just ain't a home any time she goes away.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around. Said I don't want to leave you lonely, you've got to make me change my mind.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You know that I called you. I called too many times.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Hey, you're supposed to send me a random lyric back!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I know but that's my favorite out of the music off your iPod. At least, my favorite so far. I've only made it through the first hundred or so songs.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fires were burning, down the tracks came a hobo hiking, and he said boys I'm not turning.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I am a man of constant sorrow. I've seen trouble all my days. I bid farewell to old Kentucky, the place where I was born and raised. (The place were heeeeeeee was born and raised.)

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball. Don't stop me now, wanna have a good time just give me a call.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

AT LAST YOU HAVE FOUND THE MUSIC GODS. WELCOME TO THE BEST BAND EVER. I AM SO GLAD I WAS THE ONE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO QUEEN.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Definitely one of my favorites. I love the sound, their lyrics, and now I see why I kept hearing some of the songs over and over again everywhere. I'm guessing you like them or something, judging by your reaction and the fact that the vast majority of the songs you gave me were by them, and the three CDs by them you gave me. And a sudden text from Jane probably asking why I'm making you yell again.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

darcy is yelling again

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Like them? LIKE them? You don't even understand. Queen is THE band. Not just a band, not just a good band, THE band. Some people say that's the Beatles, and while I like me some Paul, Ringo, John, Pete, Stuart, and George, Queen is where it is AT. They get me through bad days, they boost me higher on good days. I can blare them as loud as I want and the neighbors don't complain because it's QUEEN and it's more than good, more than great, it's life in song form. It's mood music, literally. They have a song for EVERYTHING. Ask me what my favorite band is and I'll rant to you about the beauty of Queen. Ask me my favorite song fifty times a day because I'll give you fifty different Queen songs.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

What I mean is yes

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Really? Hadn't picked up on that at all.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Thunder bolt and lightning, very very frightening me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Galileo!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Galileo Figaro

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Magnificoooooooooo!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

:D :D I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL :D :D

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Hey Jude, don't be afraid. Take a sad song and make it better.

You got me thinking about the Beatles. I just listened to them last night.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. Gets high with a little help from his friends.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

And now I've got you thinking about them.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You're just now getting to the Beatles but you can sing Bohemian Rhapsody? I gave you like twenty CD's arranged by decade and you got to Queen first? Not that I'm really complaining...

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You were talking about them and I got curious about the songs you were always singing. Plus you gave me a lot of CD's. I listened to them once in order and then put on the ones I liked best. I do like the Beatles, and I do like Queen. Probably Queen more, but just barely. I also liked Tracy Chapman, and was surprised to find out she was a woman when I looked her up.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Yeah, you tend to have issues knowing men from women, lol

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Oh son of a...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

BRB LAUGHING

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

If she's laughing maniacally again, it was her own doing.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

why don't i believe you

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Black Betty had a child, bam-ba-lam. The damn thing gone wild, bam-ba-lam. She said I'm worrying outta mind, bam-ba-lam. The damn thing gone blind, bam-ba-lam

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Wow really? I wouldn't have thought that would be something you liked. It's a classic, but I didn't see you jamming out to that. Of course, now I want to see you jumping around your apartment, rocking out on air guitar, head banging hard as hell, jumping off your furniture, and dancing all over the place. To heavy metal or something. Or really really loud rock music.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I worry about some of the things you imagine.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Just take those old records off the shelf. I said I'll listen to them by myself. Today's music ain't got the same soul. I like that old time rock-and-roll.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Every time I hear that, it gets stuck in my head for hours. And now, thanks to you, it's stuck in my head again. I'm not complaining, but I think humming it while Coulson tries to talk to me is starting to irritate him.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Pft, Coulson's always irritated about something. Last week he gave me his 'my-face-is-neutral-but-actually-disapproving-at-the-same-time' look because I cranked up We Will Rock You over the intercoms in the lab and the interns and I had a dance break. Not my fault the man can't dance! He could have joined in anyway, but noooooo, he had to stand in the doorway and glare until it was just me dancing.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You kept dancing until the song was over, didn't you?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Yes I did.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh yeah, Jane's taking me out for my birthday on Friday. You wanna come? We'll be eating on Tony's dime as part of my gift from him. I'm not sure I want to know what the other part of my gift is. But that means we're chowing in style! I'm not gonna waste the opportunity to use Stark's card to the fullest extent. I want to give a waiter a big-ass tip and make their night. I was a waitress in college and it suuuuucked.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Sure, what time?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Around seven-ish. Depends on what time we get out of here. On that note, working on your birthday sucks ass, but Stark said I'd get a bonus. Huh, I wonder if that's the other part of my gift? He can totally give me money more often. Sooo does not have to wait until my bday to shower me with cash.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'll be there.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Sweet! :D

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

What the hell should I get Darcy for her birthday?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

everyone's going all out since she just graduated college but don't get her that new ipod she's been eyeing. i already got that. the interns are pooling together to get her a weekend trip to some spa upstate. i don't even know what tony's getting her. she'll like whatever you get her though. she loves getting stuff no matter what it is. her apartment is overrun with random knick knacks

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Yeah, I've seen the rooster clock, and her giant wall of posters. But I don't want to give her something she won't like or can't really use. And I don't want to copy anybody else. She doesn't wear a lot of jewelry or have a car. That Thai place on 42nd is her favorite but they don't have gift certificates, and she's sworn off Starbucks for the time being.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

she always appreciates itunes gift cards

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

he is putting an awful lot of thought into darcy's birthday gift

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

I know. Isn't it cute?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

I could do that. Stark said gift cards are cop-outs though. However, because he said it I didn't put much stock into it, but now it does feel like a cop-out. Speaking of, what could Stark possibly be getting her?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

you'd have to ask natasha. i'm pretty sure she knows.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm about to grab some food. Want to come?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh thank god. I'm pretty sure my stomach is pressing against my backbone. I overslept and didn't eat breakfast and I could eat an elephant. Or that three week old cupcake sitting in the mini fridge down here. Give me five minutes, I'll meet you upstairs.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

The answer might worry me, but what is Stark getting Darcy for her birthday?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Keep a secret? He got her a car.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

You're kidding me. No, no, no you're not. That is exactly something he would do. Great. Now whatever we get her is going to pale in comparison.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Speak for yourself. I found a Queen concert shirt autographed by Freddie Mercury.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

See you in five

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

An iTunes gift card is definitely out of the question now. And I really don't want to know where you "found" that shirt, do I?

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Wait. I have an idea. Where's that bookstore that sells rare books?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

It's best if you don't know where I find half the things I do.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Not only will Darcy have an absolutely wonderful birthday, I'm pretty sure we can officially start meddling now.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

i take darcy you take steve

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Done.


	7. Chapter 7

To: Natasha

From: Jane

from the way darcy launched herself into his arms we might not have to meddle much

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Maybe not on Darcy's end. Steve, on the other hand, will need subtle hints, gentle nudging, and flat-out brute force before he even begins to think about asking her out. I've been trying to get him a date for months.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Stark

pray tell. what exactly is going on between captain spangles and ur lovely assistant?

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

should we tell tony? he noticed

* * *

To: Stark

From: Natasha

We're trying to get them to go out. Steve's interested and doesn't know it yet, or he knows it and won't do anything, and we're pretty sure Darcy's into him.

However, if you interfere before the time is right, or do anything to mess this up, you'll find yourself stranded on a desert island that's nothing more than a strip of sand, with naught more than the sea life and the blazing sun to keep you company.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Stark

noted

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

where did steve even find a copy of the princess bride that old? it has to be a first edition.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Not quite, but it is one of the first known copies of it. It's an original too, not one of the re-writes that made it great. You don't even want to know how much it cost.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

steve scored so big on your gift

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

EVERYONE DID BUT THIS COPY OF THE PRINCESS BRIDE OH MY GOD

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

I JUST I CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Very nicely done. Darcy is never letting go of that book, her grin is three miles wide, and Stark's fairly certain the car will get upstaged by the book. How much did that cost you? Pretty sure Stark's is the most expensive gift, but not by much.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Doesn't matter. It was worth it. Her face when she opened it made whatever I spent worth every penny. I have absolutely no idea what I could possibly get her for Christmas now, but I'm convinced that was the best gift I could have possibly gotten her.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Oh yeah, he's in deep.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

i would say this will be easy but you know what they say about the best laid plans

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Morning Miss Lewis. Enjoying all of your gifts from last night?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Do you know what I'm doing right now? I'm driving to work in my very own car, having my texts read out loud to me in Professor Snape's voice, and replying via speech to text software. I have my new iPod, which has as much memory as yours, full of music, and I'm tired from staying up and reading a certain book last night.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Also I will be thanking you for that book until the end of the century. Until the end of time.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

It's nothing, but I'm glad you like it :)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Nothing? NOTHING? You found an original printed copy of the pre-rewrite book of the century and GAVE IT TO ME and it's NOTHING? I owe you SO big for this. You don't even know how excited I am about this book. The car, the iPod, the spa, THAT SHIRT, all really super nice and everything and I love everyone for going all out for my birthday, but that book. That book. Oh my god, Steve.

At least let me buy you dinner or something!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Okay, okay! It was a big deal, geez. Full disclosure, I wasn't sure what to get you and nearly panicked when I realized everyone else was going big. I wanted to get you something nice, but you have one of everything in your apartment, and I wound up texting Jane and Natasha for a while. But I would do it all again, even the panic.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I absolutely love you. I will never be able to top this gift ever, so your bday gift will suck but I totally absolutely and completely love you forever.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Really? Now I feel special. Tell me more about myself. I love it when you talk about me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Okay STARK, lol. But seriously dude, I must thank you forever for this. Forever and always. Dinner, a movie in the theater, something. It won't even come close to being as amazing as TPB. Nothing is as amazing as TPB but you know. It's the principle of the thing.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If you really love me, you'll never call me Stark again. And our regular movie nights, popcorn, and jabbing each other randomly while we lounge on that monster of a couch is perfect. No need for theaters and crowds. Though there is a new Thai place opening up today. Want to see if it's any good?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

New Thai plaaaaace. One of the great things about getting out of small towns is that there's so much more stuff in the big city. Tired of the same Thai food? BAM, new Thai right around the corner. And now that I have a CAR OF MY OWN, I can go to whatever Starbucks I damn well please without worrying about seeing Greg. It should be my birthday every day. Thai food for lunch, and I'm paying! Don't fight me on this! You paid last time.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You pay for lunch, I'll buy the popcorn for tonight. Pretty sure we're out again. And you're only paying for this lunch, not all of the lunches until the end of time. Next time it's my wallet. Don't fight me on that. I'll win.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You will not! I'll just not fight you, and that's not the same thing as you winning you know. It's just me not wanting to fight you over your old fashioned notions :P

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Most people like my old fashioned notions. They find them charming.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm of the opinion that the only time a dude must pay is when he 1) screws up, 2) wants to eat somewhere specific, or 3) is taking the girl out when the girl wanted to stay in. Otherwise, the girl should pay. Same rules apply. She screws up or wants to eat someplace he doesn't like, her wallet better be coming out.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

And yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you're charming. Shut up.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Fair warning, Stark's here. You'd better get to the lab quick to supervise.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Shit. Jane's already making happy science noises, isn't she? Send Natasha down for a bit. I'll be there in about ten minutes, curse this traffic. Or better yet, you go down there so he'll tease and/or argue with you and nothing explodes again. I need to at least hide the notes she made last night before he sees them, or neither of them will be sleeping for about three days.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You're asking me to willingly engage Stark in conversation while he's surrounded by science stuff.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I love you? :D

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No you don't.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

... :D

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I can never say no to a pretty face. Fine, fine. I'll keep the scientists from going completely mad until you get here. Natasha's already downstairs, but she and Jane have some kind of conspiracy going on. They keep grinning at each other.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Are they evil grins?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I would say so, yes. Yes, they very much are. Should I be worried?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

So, any luck on finding a date? I've been slacking in that area, but I have some time on my hands now. Time to get back in the game, Rogers. You like brunettes right? There's this girl I know, I think you'll like her.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I am very worried.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES D:

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

so natasha tells me you haven't had a date in a while.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I am extremely worried.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Well, no, I haven't, however I'm not exactly looking right now. A date would be nice, but it's not something I really need, or especially want at the moment.

Also don't listen to Natasha. I don't need help getting a date. I just haven't asked anyone in a while.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

sorry but if you're going to be friends with women you have to accept the fact that we're going to meddle in your love life. or lack thereof. you just need to find the right woman and you'll change your mind. you'll see. you'll like the girl we have picked out for you.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

What have you done. Why? Why, Natasha?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

You're lonely and I intend to fix that. You know what's as bad as a superhero who can't get any? Abandoned kittens. You're almost as bad as a kitten, Steve. You're Captain America. You can't be as bad as a kitten.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

They're trying to set me up on a date. I don't know with who, but I'm not trusting them. They've ganged up on me. Help.

* * *

To: Jane, Darcy

From: Stark

WHO IS READY FOR SOME SCIENCE? TONY STARK IN DA HOUSE!

* * *

To: Stark, Jane

From: Darcy

I AM IN THE BUILDING YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BLOW ANYTHING UP

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh man, Jane doesn't meddle often, but when she starts it takes a hell of a lot to get her to stop. Sorry dude, you're gonna have to let them set you up on a date or else hide from them forever. After the Greg fiasco she's stopped trying to set me up on dates and now I guess she's focused on you. You're doomed. You're so, so doomed.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Help. Me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Hahaha, omg I'm here, I'm here! Run while you can! XD

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I will see you for lunch. Now I have to try and hide from Natasha.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Didn't you hear me say you were doomed? Come on, no one hides from Nat. You know better!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

darcy don't you think it's time you tip your toes back in the dating pool? it's been a few months now. time to get back out there.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Natasha

Darcy my dear, when was the last time you had a date? There's this guy I know, cute and single. He seems like just the right guy for you.

* * *

To: Jane, Darcy

From: Stark

hey hey hey i thought we were making sweet science today

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

On second thought, I'm coming with you.


	8. Chapter 8

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm thinking about getting a cat.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I think I'd prefer a dog, but dogs require a lot of time that I don't have. Taking care of it wouldn't be an issue unless I'm gone for an undetermined amount of time, possibly out of the country and can't be home to feed it and take it out for a walk.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Cats aren't so bad. They can be loving if they decided to like you, and they're usually fine being alone for a few days.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Never had a pet before though but my apartment's getting kind of lonely, even though I now have a lot of music to play, the kind my neighbors don't mind.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Speaking of music, my neighbor is a big fan of Aerosmith and didn't understand why Dude Looks Like A Lady made me laugh so hard. I didn't explain it, but the question made me laugh much harder.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You're not still asleep are you? Big hubub in the lab today. There are scientists scurrying all over the place. I almost knocked two over in the lobby.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Oh no. Stark's not going to be here again is he? He's been here every day this week. I know he technically owns the building but he owns several more. Can't he spend all is time in one of those instead? He just got engaged to Miss Potts, surely he could do something better with his time than making Jane live in the lab for a week.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

What would I even name a cat?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I used to be allergic to cats and now I'm going to own one. Maybe. Maybe I secretly have some kind of vendetta to do all the things I was told I couldn't do. Ride a motorcycle, join the army, go anywhere near a cat. Or a dog. Or anything with fur.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm going to feel really, really bad if you wound up having today off and I keep texting you thinking that you're around here somewhere and you're phone is... what was that saying... being blown up again but this time by me.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Though if it's me blowing up your phone and not Greg, that's at least an improvement.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

At least, I hope it is.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Okay, now I'm starting to worry a bit.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Apparently no one can go into the basement or the lab today, not even one of the Avengers. Even Coulson can't go down there. What in God's name are the science people up to?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

If the building collapses I'm blaming Stark.

xxx

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You know what's strange? Every time my phone beeps, I think it's you. We text each other all the time, even when we're both in the tower. I used to not text at all, but that's the main way Natasha communicates with people unless she's fighting them, so I learned. Then you stole my number and suddenly I text people all the time. Well, I text you all the time. I've gotten fast at it. Not as fast as you though. You sometimes can send three messages before I'm even done reading the first one. Mind boggling.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nothing exploded today. I hope. Heading home early, calling it a day. Movie tomorrow?

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Any chance you know what's going on downstairs?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Some kind of experiment with some weird pollen and something else. Not really for sure, but they locked the lower levels down for safety. Most of the people who work down there that weren't needed got today off.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Darcy down there? I haven't heard from her all day.

To: Steve

From: Natasha

I think so? She's no scientist but she knows the ins and outs of the lab like no one else. She calls the equipment thingiemabobs and whatchacallits to annoy Stark. It's funny. Why, you looking for her?

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

Usually we text back and forth and try and grab lunch together but it's been radio silence today.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

You okay Rogers? You seem... off.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

I'm fine.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Hate to bother you when you're probably in the middle of something important, but is Darcy with you? I haven't heard from her all day and with Greg still roaming around I'd rather be safe than sorry.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

He's kinda worried about Darcy up here. I don't know if this is cute or not because he seems genuinely upset.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Darcy IS downstairs, right?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

darcy = with me. her phone dead. txt later

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Thank you, just making sure. Oh, and if possible, don't let Stark blow anything up and/or conduct weird experiments that could harm the building and its occupants. He can do that on his own time, when Darcy and innocent scientists aren't nearby.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

i can feel the worry. this is gonna work out beautifully. shit. fire. god damn these things are flammable. but yeah something's different. he ok?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Don't know. I don't think approaching him is a good idea right now though. I'll talk to him later. He looks like he needs to hit something, not chat about his feelings.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

:( hope he's ok.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Sometimes I wonder. We've all seen some shit, but Rogers doesn't have a lot of people to talk to. Sam helps but he can only do so much. After everything Steve did to stop Hydra, all he lost, and it turns out they grew right under our noses. He worked with them, fought with them, talked to them, saved their lives while they worked for SHIELD... well shit, now I need to hit something.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

i volunteer stark. he's have too much fun with the flaming plants. do you think steve will be ok? i can find a reason to send darcy upstairs

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

He went home already but if you can spring Darcy early and make sure she checks her phone, it would probably do him a world of good. I've seen her coax a smile out of him before. She's about the only one who can.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I don't envy the day you probably had, babysitting all those scientists.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Sorry for all the messages. Didn't know you were trying to keep the interns alive while Stark was around.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Wow. I need to get you some more people to text. I thought Greg had gotten my new number before I saw you had sent all those messages. Stalker much Steve? :P Hm, maybe Nat SHOULD get you a girlfriend.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

We usually text more than that, but it was weird sending you messages when I knew you couldn't respond. Not that I knew that at first, but Jane said something about your phone being dead. And also something about a fire? Anyway, sorry for bothering you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You're not bothering me, Steve, promise :) Oh god there was so much fire today. There was some kind of weird plant that Stark discovered or stole or whatever and all kinds of science excitement but apparently the damn things weren't from earth, hence why the lockdown and protective suits and why I was trapped in Jane's locked office, changing all of her computer settings out of boredom. Stark said the atmosphere was highly corrosive to the plants blah blah science and long story short we used all the fire extinguishers and Jane and Stark had a grand time.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Trust Stark to find something flammable to bring into the lab.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Are you okay? Your messages seemed kinda... I dunno, off? Like you were distracted or something. You weren't texting while you were driving were you? Bad Steve! What kind of example is that for Captain America to set for the children?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Are you kidding? Texting and driving in New York traffic? I would die and probably wipe out a few buildings.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve, talk to me. I know you, I can tell something's up. What's wrong?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

It was... not a good day. Today was my best friend's birthday. Bucky. You've read the files and seen the films I'm sure. He died fighting with me. I was right there, barely a foot from him. I told him to grab my hand. We were reaching for each other and then he just dropped. I had to take care of Hydra, and I barely had time to try and get drunk, and I found out I can't, and then it turns out that Bucky had been experimented on. He hadn't died. He was captured and needed my help and I didn't know and I couldn't help him. And he became the Winter Solider, which you also probably already know. He's only Bucky sometimes and I don't know where he is. I don't know how to help him. He's my best friend and he needs my help now, but I have a job to do. People to protect. I can't just disappear to follow a cold trail on the off chance that I can maybe find him. SHIELD is looking for him. Natasha's looking for him. I'm looking for him. But we can't find him. It's my fault he's like this in the first place. If I'd just been able to grab his hand, pull him back onto the train

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve, no. You can't let yourself think like that. It was during the war, right? And you told me that Bucky wasn't following Captain America into the war, but the skinny kid from Brooklyn. His best friend. You would have enlisted with him, just like he would have with you. He went, and it took you a while but you followed. A lot of people died in the war. This guilt you're feeling isn't good. It's normal, it's expected, but it's wrong. You did not fail Bucky. You're not failing him now. You are doing what you think is right, and he'd probably kick your ass if you did anything different. Did Bucky ever once say he wanted to go home or stop what he was doing?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No. Never. He was always... no.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Then he was right where he needed to be too. What happened to him isn't anyone's fault but those bastards who took him, and you're here making sure no more of them grow. SHIELD is limping back to what it used to be, and Hydra's all but gone because of you. I don't think Bucky would have wanted you to go looking for him while Hydra killed millions of people.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Thank you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You need me to come over? I can be there in an hour with movies and popcorn or just my shoulder and an ear.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No, but thank you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You sure? I don't mind. I'm not sure I like the idea of you being alone right now. I can pick up a cat on my way over.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That is not how I want to choose which animal will be sharing my home with me. You'll bring me a ferret or something even more weird.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Ferrets are not weird, they're cute and cuddly! You're weird!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm not talking to you. You think ferrets are weird!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Thank you. I've heard that speech hundreds of different ways from hundreds of different people and suddenly having you tell me, having you mean it... it's different. It's like you knew exactly what to say. You always do. How do you always know how to make me smile?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm just awesome. which you should already know Steve. You slacker. Plus years of therapy. I have major dad issues (don't ask just yet, that's a convo for a later day). I started saying what my shrink would once I realized she actually made sense.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I am well aware of how amazing you are. I'm glad you know it too.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Psh, I'm not amazing. Awesome, yes, amazing... eh. You're amazing. Natasha's amazing. Jane's amazing in a science-y way. Pepper is fucking amazing for taming Stark and tricking him into proposing to her. I dunno how she pulled THAT one off.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No, you're amazing. You grab fire and throw it before it can hurt others. You go out of your way to talk to the people who seem lonely or sad. Every time you smile or laugh or even just enter a room it makes everyone happier. You are well loved by so many, and you're amazing and wonderful and smart and funny and brilliant and so strong. I'll tell you that every day until you believe me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steve...

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nope. It's a done deal. It is now my personal mission to make sure you know how amazing you are. In fact, I'm going to show you. This weekend, we'll go out. You and me, movies, dinner, dancing, the whole package.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Like... like a date?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Exactly like a date.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Really? For real? You're actually really asking me out on an actual date?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Really :) I mean, if you're saying yes.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Yes. Absolutely yes! :D

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

You can stop trying to set me up now. I have a date this weekend.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

If it's not Darcy I will destroy everything you love.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Steve

How could you possibly know I was going to ask her out? Are you sure you don't know everything? Is my apartment bugged again?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Since you've had trouble with this issue in the past, I thought I'd tell you up front: I'm totally a woman.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You're never going to let that go, are you?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Not in a million years ;)


	9. Chapter 9

To: Steve

From: Darcy

THOR IS BACK. I REPEAT THOR IS BACK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That's...good? I mean, I'm happy for you and Jane as long as he didn't bring that brother of his with him. He didn't did he?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Ow, I think he bent my ribs together with that hug. Yeesh. But yes, totally good and no, emo magic dude is nowhere in sight. Now Jane can stop moping around and get her some Norse God booty!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

She's disappeared with him already hasn't she?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Coulson tried to step in and debrief him but he didn't get very far. Every time he says debrief, I picture him trying to pants somebody and leave them in their tighty-whities. CanNOT stop giggling every time he says it.

I wonder what kind of underwear the Norse Gods wear. Oh man, do you think they go commando?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'd rather not think about Thor and his preferred choice of underwear.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Well now that I'm thinking about it, I gotta ask. You a boxer or a brief man?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Uh...

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I mean, I don't care either way. What you wear is totally up to you, but I gotta know. Curiosity always gets the better of me and really, would you rather tell me outright or have me yank your pants off randomly to check for myself? Dude, I wonder if Coulson wears Captain America undies.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I did not need that mental image. At all. Ever. So, thank you for that. But probably.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Do YOU wear Captain America undies?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Do I what? No. No!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Me thinks you doth protest too much.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

...I do own a pair. I think it was a joke because someone got them for me for my birthday. My money's on Stark for that. But they've never been opened and I do not wear them. Own them, yes. Keep them in the back of my closet, yes. Take them out and put them on, never.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Okay now you have to wear them. You can't own a pair of your own underwear and not wear them! I mean, a pair of Captain America undies, not your own undies. Pretty sure you already wear your own stuff. Unless you have random strange underwear lurking about that you put on just for the hell of it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You know how I said I worry about some of the things you imagine? I'm worrying about where your mind is going now.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

My mind goes millions of different directions at once. Never stops I swear. One minute I'm thinking about a book, the next I'm wondering what would happen if I set a rabbit loose in the lab, and then I'm worrying about things, and then it's the end of the day and I don't know what happened. If my mind were a hamster, it would never stop running on that wheel.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Did you want to skip Friday to spend some time with Thor? If you do, I completely understand.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

No, nooooo. Thor and Jane have already vanished, hopefully to talk and then bang (not necessarily in that order) and I'm sooo not wanting to be a third wheel right now. They need to sort out their stuff before other people get involved and confuse them or complicate things.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Why, did you want me to call Friday off?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No! No, no, not at all. I just know Thor means a lot to you and I would understand if you wanted to catch up with him, because you haven't seen him in almost a year, as opposed to eating dinner with me, who you see nearly every day.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

But no, I really do not want anything to jeopardize our plans for Friday.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Me either :)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Er, what ARE our plans for Friday? I know dinner, but where? Is it some place I'll have to dress fancy for? Or throw on a nice pair of jeans?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I was going to say 'you'll see' and be all mysterious, but I don't pull that off very well and Natasha told me that I have to tell you the restaurant so you know the dress code, and we all know what happens if someone tells her no or disregards her orders.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

No we don't. All we know is that that person is never seen or heard from again. And that we must never go looking for them unless we are prepared to join them.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You know the Italian joint downtown, the one across from the copier place? That's where we're eating. If that's okay with you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

More than okay- that place is great! Pepper took me there once and I spent more time inhaling pasta than I did talking to her about work or whatever it was we were supposed to be talking about. Awesome choice dude. Thumbs up.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm not going to lie, I went to Miss Potts to ask her about the dinner. Natasha was off doing who knows what and I was not about to ask Stark for any kind of help.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Yeah, solid plan. Don't ever ask Tony for dating advice. You'll wind up scarred for life and somehow tricked into watching porn with him and then you'll look around and realize how bizarre your life as become. Later on, you'll be able to pinpoint that moment as the exact second your life began to spiral out of control.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Speaking from experience I see.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

God no. But I've seen him disappear with interns and they never come back the same. I fly under his radar and only register when he needs something that I can hand to him. Pretty sure he only likes me because I'm fluent in sarcasm. And we're both huge classic rock fans. Music can bridge any gap. How do you think I got you to like me so much?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

It's all clear to me now. You made me all those CDs and copied your iTunes to lure me into a false sense of security. All the two am random lyric texts were just a ploy. We're going to go on the date, and then you'll kidnap me and I'll wake up trapped in some kind of prison, where you keep all your ninety five year old dates.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Curses! You've seen through my clever plan! Now I have to come up with a new one, ugh. I'll go on the date with you and hold off on my sex dungeon kidnapping plot until later.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm... relieved?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You'll know the kidnapping is coming, but you won't know when it'll happen until the moment it does and then it'll be too late. You'll be trapped forever!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Well, at least there will be good music. I don't think I'd be able to stand a prison with bad music. I'd have to break out and turn you over to the authorities, and it would be a shame to see such a beautiful face go behind bars for good.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Is that Darcy laughing? That's a bit unsettling. What the hell did you say?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You wouldn't turn me over. You'd come back for more ;)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Okay, that's you this time, and it's equally unsettling. You two deserve each other.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Out for the day?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Free at last, free at last, oh hallelujah, I'm free at last! I have a date with bad sci-fi movies and a carton of Ben and Jerry's cherry garcia. Want to join me? I've got Sharknado recorded and two spoons.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Isn't there some kind of rule about not spending too much time together when you're about to go on a date? Or am I missing something?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Is there? I dunno, I never pay attention to crap like that. The magazines never have any helpful tips and most people are stuck in sucky relationships. My rule is that if you like someone, if they make you happy, be with them, put yourself out there. You might get hurt, it might not work out, they might turn out to be stalkers and you're just their type, but at least you try, at least you'll know. You make me happy, and I like you a lot. So yeah, we're going on a date Friday, but if you want, you can come with me back to my place, eat ice cream out of the carton, and watch a totally ridiculous movie with me. Or wait till Friday and I'll see you tomorrow like usual, no big deal. I'm not one for mind games and should/should not according to other people. Do what makes you happy. If there's one thing I learned from my...issue with my father it's that life is very short. It's your life and you're the one that has to live it so do whatever with it.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

**Picture Message**

I know you're probably busy with tall, Norse, and blonde, but I thought you'd want a copy of the picture I snapped of Steve giving Darcy a hell of a kiss.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

OH. MY. GOD.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

Twenty bucks says Stark interferes with bad advice before Friday

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

fifty says he sends steve porno links and calls it advice by tonight

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

You're on.

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Jane

pepper won the bet on the kiss

* * *

To: Jane

From: Natasha

I refuse to bet against her anymore. She wins every time and I owe her more money than I care for anyone to ever find out about.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

you might want to take your makeout session with darcy elsewhere. thor might challenge you to defend her honor and then darcy will be pissed with everyone.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Stark, Tony

check ur inbox when u get home. sent u a few things that might help w/ date on fri. u don't have 2 thank me. just give me details later. and never tell pepper u got these from me.

* * *

To: Stark, Tony

From: Steve

I swear to god if you don't stop sending me links to pornography I will point Natasha in your direction, tell her you're interfering with my date, and watch the destruction make its way to you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Stark, Tony

when the hell did u grow a pair

i like ur style

* * *

To: Stark

From: Darcy

Steve needs none of your help, thank you. We're perfectly capable of coming up with our own ways to entertain ourselves, and if you don't stop sending him porn and calling it advice, I'm telling Pepper. Who knows what she'll do.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Stark

u are one terrifying assistant

* * *

To: Stark

From: Darcy

Thank you.

* * *

To: Stark, Tony

From: Steve

**Picture Message**

Darcy and I do just fine on our own. Now go away. I'm busy.

* * *

To: Pepper

From: Tony

FWD: Picture Message

pepper. look! not much action just cuddling and capsicle kissing her cheek but loooooook!

* * *

To: Jane

From: Pepper

You owe me thirty dollars.

* * *

To: Tony

From: Pepper

I'm happy for them. Now, it's time to leave them alone, honey. Let them explore this for themselves. Come on home.

* * *

To: Pepper

From: Tony

oh i bet there will b some exploring, heh heh heh heh...

* * *

To: Tony

From: Pepper

You're incorrigible. And don't go finding out any details about their date!

* * *

To: Pepper

From: Tony

MOI? perish the thought ;)


	10. Chapter 10

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Daaaaaarcy?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm boooooooored.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Uh-oh. That's never good. Why are you bored? Aren't you in the lab with Jane and Thor? Surely there's something you could do.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

No. I'm supposed to be here with Jane and then Thor would appear and hang out with us, but noooooooo. They decided to sneak away again and do who knows what. I mean, I'm happy for them and I'm so glad they're together and happy, but scaring the interns is only entertaining for so long. And I've run out of things to do online.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

It's been said that you can never run out of things to do online. However I am not the best person to talk to about online entertainment. I'm still amazed by half the stuff I see. Also Stark is on his way and having you and him together, bored, in the lab full of things that like to explode is very, very low on my list of good ideas. In fact, it's actually top of my list of bad ideas. So: entertain Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

ASDFGHJKL

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I speak French, German, a bit of Italian, and I'm learning Japanese. I have no idea what ASDFGHJKL means.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

It means I'm bored and my boyfriend is off in another state doing awesome kick ass stuff with Hawkeye and Black Widow, leaving his bored girlfriend to fend for herself. Not very nice of you. Meanie.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Nothing kick ass, just a lunch full of political people I don't know. I'll be back tonight. We'll do something fun, I promise.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

But I'm bored now! ENTERTAIN ME!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Look up an animal shelter near my apartment and see if there are pictures of the cats online. You can help me pick one out since it'll have to be used to both of us. Assuming you're over as much as you have been lately.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Complaining soldier?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

No ma'am. Just wondering when my girlfriend will allow me to sleep curled up with her all night and not on the opposite side of the bed.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You're like a walking furnace! If I sleep pressed up against you I'll melt!

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Though I could always start sleeping naked, which would totally mean our 'we should wait on the sex' talk will go right out the window.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Aaaaaaand now I can't focus on whatever the hell it is I'm supposed to be doing. You're bad for my mental health.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

**Picture Message**

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

That is not helping. You're a terrible person. Oh great, now Natasha is laughing at me. Thank you, you terrible human being you. I'm saving that picture to remind myself how awful you are.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I could always send you a nudie pic and totally shatter your concentration entirely.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

You make your boy toy blush any harder he's going to burst a blood vessel or something. Did you send him naughty pics or are you guys sexting? Because we've got a pool going and if you guys have sex before the end of the week, I win.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Darcy

STOP BETTING ON MY LOVE LIFE

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

I'll split my winnings with you.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Darcy

You're forgiven!

And no we're not sexting. I just sent him a picture of me being bored at work. Angled down just enough for him to see my clevage. And maybe the lace of my bra.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I really hope you said something funny to make Natasha laugh, otherwise I'm going to get very nervous very fast.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

How's the 'I'm rich and famous and you like me, you really really like me' dinner going? Bored out of your mind yet?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Why am I always dragged into these things? I know none of these people, and Natasha's nice and all, but I would much rather have my actual girlfriend here with me. Instead I'm wearing a suit I feel slightly ridiculous in and hiding in the garden while I wait for everything to be over with and no one really knows where Barton is.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Why are you hiding in the garden? You're supposed to be there for good press and stuff, not hiding behind the rose bushes.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Uh, well... there's a woman who is a bit... pushy about wanting to dance with me. And I'm not sure what she's wearing could be considered a dress. It's about the size of a towel. Her perfume makes me want to cough.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oh my god you're hiding from a fangirl. Is she hot? Haha, poor Steve, so many adoring fans!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You are not supposed to find this funny.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Nope, it's fucking hilarious. I will laugh at your expense as long as I can because it's entertaining and you bring a lot of it on yourself. I mean, how dare you be so hot, sweet, kind, caring, and loveable all at the same time? All your fault really.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Now I'm bored. Time for you to entertain me.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I could send you more pictures ;)

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

How about something that won't cause me to embarrass myself in front of the cameras, or worse, Natasha? Tell me a story about your childhood.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Seriously?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Or a story from college, or about Jane. I like your stories and listening to you talk. I can't hear your voice right now, but I can tune out the world and delve into yours for a bit. I like hearing about you, finding out what you like and don't like, why your sister is a pain and your mother drives you nuts.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

There's a big story that's a huge part of my life that you haven't heard yet. I was totally going to save this until we could talk face to face about it but every time I opened my mouth to tell you I just... couldn't get the words out. And now I want to tell you, so... brace yourself, I guess. This will be long and not pretty.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Just let me blurt it all out at once. Like ripping off a band aid.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You don't have to tell me, but I'm always here to listen, Darcy. You know that. Being with someone means sharing everything, not just the good.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You've leveled up enough to unlock the tragic Lewis tale of woe. Give me a sec to type it up. It's long via text.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

When I was little, my dad was a pretty good dad. He liked to watch too much tv and drank a little bit too much but never drove under the influence and always waited until he was home to pour himself a couple of glasses of something. He loved me and my sister, and though I think he and Mom would have been better off getting a divorce in the later years, they were good to each other. Never cheated, to my knowledge, and even though he couldn't always make it to softball games or plays or whatever me and my sister were doing, he always wanted to hear about it. We drove each other crazy because I was eleven and a smart ass and he was my dad and I pretty much annoyed him all the time on purpose. But I made him smile a lot and he loved me and I knew that. He would always turn on some god awful tv show that my sister liked and pull me into his lap and we'd all watch it together while Mom cooked dinner. And one day he was up super late watching... I don't even know. I just remember that the tv was on, the lights were off downstairs, and I was thirsty so I went into the kitchen for a drink. Mom was asleep and Katie was over at a friend's house. I turned on the kitchen light and saw Dad just sitting there, eyes open, looking at the tv but he wasn't moving. I asked him what he was doing, if he was okay, and then I saw the pills. He'd swallowed a whole bottle of them, and he'd been dead for at least an hour before I went downstairs.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy. Oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

It is a lot easier to type this out than it is to say it out loud so let me finish. I hate that pity face I always get when people find out and years of therapy means I'm pretty okay now. But yeah, so I was downstairs with my dead dad and I screamed. I started crying and screaming at the same time, so loud my neighbors called the cops. Mom didn't hear and apparently Dad had put a sleeping pill in her food and knocked her out. I guess he didn't want her to find him and stop him, but he didn't count on me getting thirsty. The cops arrived, and then the ambulance, and Katie drove home in her pajamas at three am and took me to our grandparent's. When I woke up in the afternoon, Mom was there and she took me aside and told me that Dad was dead and I almost didn't hear the rest of it, but Katie told her that I should know. So my sister, who was only 19 at the time and home from college for the summer, sat me down and told me that Dad had been sick in the head and none of us had noticed. There was a note, and he told us he was sorry, that he loved us, but he just couldn't keep living that life anymore. He felt like the world was crushing him and nothing, not even my sister and me, helped. So he ended it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You once told me that some people don't want to be saved. This is how you knew? I'm so sorry. That is not a lesson an eleven year old should have to learn. That's not a lesson anyone should have to learn. I don't even know what to say other than I'm sorry sweetheart, and be utterly amazed at how strong and brave you are.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Aw, I like it when you call me sweetheart :3

But there you go. My tragic backstory. The rest of my life, sans the superheroes and stalker ex boyfriends is pretty damn normal. Sister went to college, got a degree, got married, I went to therapy, then college, got a degree, have a hot boyfriend. Mom moved on, went on a date the other day actually. Katie and I are sure the world will end soon because of that by the way. Moms shouldn't date. It's weird.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You never cease to amaze me, you know that?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Haven't we already discussed how awesome I am? That's right, we did!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Can't discuss it enough. You're strong, and incredible. Not many people could handle that and you... you're you. And I am so glad you are.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Oooo, apparently I have a package downstairs. I'll take my time signing for it. If I'm lucky, it's those books I ordered and I can read them while I wait for everyone to return from doing whatever or whoever. Later babe!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'll see you when I get home :)

* * *

To: Jane

From: Stark

im here and ur assistant is nowhere to be seen

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

have you heard from darcy today?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Yeah, earlier, but not for a few hours. She's probably nose deep in one of her new books.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

ah. i'll check her reading spot then. on your way back?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Yeah we'll be landing in about half an hour. Darcy and I have plans tonight, so I'll be kidnapping her as soon as I'm free to head home.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

you can have her once i find her

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Did you check the window nook in the break room? She likes to read in there.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

empty. so is her room upstairs, and your room. no one has seen her for a few hours. said she went downstairs and never came back up.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

hey where are you?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Jane's looking for you. I'm almost at the tower. Let me know when you're ready to head to my place. I got my own copies of Star Wars- you can finally have your copies back- and a new supply of popcorn. We'll make a night of it.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

ok seriously there are only so many places you could be. where are you? starting to worry.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy, could you send me a text or give me a call when you get this? We can't seem to find you.

* * *

**Missed Call From: Steve**

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Nat

When I told you learning to disappear could come in handy, I didn't mean vanish to the point that I can't find you. Steve's starting to freak. Where are you?

* * *

**2 Missed Calls: Steve, Jane**

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Please text me soon.

* * *

**3 Missed Calls**

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Stark

fair warning if we don't find u soon i'll b tracking ur phone

* * *

**2 New Voicemails**

* * *

To: Steve

From: Natasha

Problem. Get to the security room. Now.

* * *

**4 Missed Calls**

* * *

To: Jane

From: Steve

Greg has Darcy

* * *

To: Steve

From: Jane

WHAT. oh no. no no no no

* * *

**5 Missed Calls**

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

Greg posed as a delivery man and took Darcy out of the building. Looks like he had a gun. Clint is headed to the starbucks and I'm getting what I can on the truck he drove here in. As soon as we know something, we'll let you know.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

and steve?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

Steve went to Greg's apartment downtown. Stark's meeting him there. We'll find her. Send Thor to meet up with Stark and Steve. Maybe between the two of them they'll be able to stop Steve from leveling the entire city.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

please be ok. please. we're coming for you. we'll find you and bring you home. i promise.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'll find you. I swear.

* * *

**4 New Voicemails**

* * *

**7 Missed Calls**

* * *

**Call From: Steve**

* * *

**5 New Voicemails**

* * *

**8 Missed Calls**

* * *

**Call From: Jane**

* * *

**6 New Voicemails**

* * *

**9 Missed Calls**

* * *

**Voicemail Full**


	11. Chapter 11

To: Jane

From: Nat

Greg has a broken nose, a concussion, cracked ribs, and needs stitches in his face all courtesy of Darcy. He also needs a lot more therapy than any one person can give him.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

And after we got there, Steve knocked him out (so there's also probably head trama) and hasn't let go of Darcy, who had a baseball bat and certainly knew how to use it.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

oh thank god. is she okay?! is she hurt?!

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

Yeah, Steve's got her. Bruised knuckles from a well-landed punch, and a cut above her eye, but she's okay. Thor might have maybe struck Greg with some lightning though. I was too busy stopping Clint from putting an arrow in his eye and couldn't stop him. Don't think Stark wanted to.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

i don't give a rat's ass how hurt greg is. fuck greg the goddamn psycho. he shows up again and I'LL kill him

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

You'd have to get in line. Oh, gee, what do you know, the place is a mess and I accidentally tripped and my steel toed boot landed right in his cracked ribs. Oops.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

thank god you're okay oh thank god

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

I am totally a-okay. The Avengers came to rescue me from my stalker and I'd already kicked his ass. I rule! I also have a completely full voicemail.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Also Steve has decided he's not leaving my side until I get the all clear from the EMTs. I am totally okay with this as I'm shaking now. Sure it's all over, everything's okay, MELTDOWN TIME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Let's just sob all over my boyfriend and in front of everyone I work with. That's not embarrassing at all.

* * *

To: Stark

From: Jane

darcy is going home with steve and not coming into work for a few days. don't fight me on this

* * *

To: Jane

From: Stark

think we can convince her 2 take a week vacation?

* * *

To: Stark

From: Jane

if you can convince steve probably

* * *

To: The Cap

From: Stark

u and darcy, one week, go anywhere on me, have a good time and dont let her come into work for at least 1 week minimum

* * *

To: Stark

From: Steve

Will do.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

So apparently I'm going on vacation. I WONDER WHOSE IDEA THAT WAS

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

you are NOT coming into work for at least a week. possibly longer. you need a break.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

Said the pot to the kettle. I'm not complaining about a paid for vacation with my man, but it's kind of sudden don't you think? Shouldn't I at least pack and know where I'm going?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Natasha

I'll go get whatever you need from your apartment. Stark's talking about getting you a new fancy lock. And possibly buying your building. I'm not stopping him on this.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

How many overprotective people am I going to have following me around now? Like, a rough estimate. If I go see Katie for xmas I'll need to warn her about all the strange people that might show up later. I mean, duh, you'll be going of course but how many others do you think? Also do you think she'll know that you guys are, ya know, THE AVENGERS?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Probably everyone. We almost lost you.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'm okay! I promise! No one almost lost me, once Greg put the gun down I totally kicked his ass! Meltdown aside, I think I handled that very well. For sure asshat's never doing that again. God that was freaky. He kept yammering away about how things were and how they'd be better this time. Psycho. I probably shouldn't have hit him in the head with the bat. The last thing he needs is more brain damage. Uh, can you hurry back? Thor is glaring at the EMT people and demanding my release.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I almost lost you. I couldn't find you. I knew he had you and I couldn't find you. I was _terrified_. Don't you _ever_ do that to me again. Promise me. Please God promise me that.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Only if you promise me. You're Captain America and I know all the danger you put yourself in all the time, and I worry. I always have about you guys and I always will. And I would never EVER ask you to stop because I know you and this is what you do. It's what you want to do and it's what you're meant to do. So I'll be the superhero's girlfriend if promise me you'll never scare the living shit out of me either.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

What did I ever do to possibly deserve you?

I promise. I'll always come back to you Darcy.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Okay then. I promise too. Now let's head to my apartment so I can grab whatever Nat packed for me and hopefully talk Stark out of reinforcing my front door with steel or something.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Actually, let's let him do that.

* * *

To: Stark

From: Natasha

Out of the apartment. Now. Here they come and they look like the need to talk

* * *

To: Natasha

From: Tony

or bang

* * *

To: Stark

From: Natasha

OUT

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

day one of vacation. how's it going?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

day two of vacation. hope you're having a great time! we all miss you around here

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

intern mark just tripped again but this time he spilled plasma everywhere and it took us all of yesterday and most of today to clean it up. wish i'd gone with you now.

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

I am on vacation. Do not text me so early. I will bite you.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

oh please. i know you and steve went on that cruise to the bahamas. it's what two pm where you are?

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

We were up late.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

i see

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

You know. Busy. Doing things.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

uh huh

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

And by things I mean each other.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

yeah i actually got that. moving on now

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

He has a huuuuuge

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

DARCY I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT

* * *

To: Jane

From: Darcy

mole on his thigh. What did you think I was gonna say? Mind out of the gutter, Jane Foster. You've been around Stark too much ;) Besides, this is payback for all the dirty details you let slip about Thor. Things, I might add, that I never wanted to know about someone who is essentially my bro. You grossed me out. Now I get to do the same. SUCK IT.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Jane

i can't believe i missed you.

* * *

To: The Cap

From: Tony

how's the cruise? have u guys actually left ur room?

* * *

To: Stark

From: Steve

As much as I appreciate the vacation, and thank you for it because Darcy and I both needed it, I have something else to say: Go. Away.

* * *

To: The Cap

From: Tony

well that answers that. then again if i was on a ship thousands of miles away from ppl with a woman i wouldn't leave my room either

* * *

To: Stark

From: Darcy

**Picture Message**

Proof we've left the room. Now shut up and go talk wedding details with your fiance or I'll tell her, Jane, AND Nat that you're bothering us.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Stark

im glad ur ok. c u when you get back :)

* * *

To: Pepper

From: Darcy

You're willingly marrying that man.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Pepper

Yes, yes, I know. Please don't remind me of my faults. I'm too busy climbing out of the mountain of flowers that might go in the bouquets. I'm far too swamped to have a crisis right now. Enjoy your vacation. When you get back I'm stuffing you in a bridesmaid dress.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

betcha twenty bucks steve comes back walking funny

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

You're on.

* * *

To: Jane, Natasha

From: Pepper

Fifty on a hickey.

* * *

To: Nat

From: Jane

how does she DO that?!

* * *

To: Jane

From: Nat

I've stopped questioning these things. Seventy five on the hickey.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Never judge a book by it's cover, or who you gonna love by your lover. Sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise. She had the body of a venus, lord imagine my surprise!

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Really Darcy?! I leave you alone for five minutes to get a movie for tonight and you start texting me that of all things?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

They're playing it on deck! I nearly fell over laughing and thought I would share. You know it's your fav Aerosmith song.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Just for that I'm returning The Princess Bride and we're watching Wizard of Oz again.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

DON'T YOU DARE RETURN THE PRINCESS BRIDE WE ARE WATCHING THAT IT IS OUR MOVIE

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Then I'll just steal all of your pillows tonight. Behave, Miss Lewis. I know your weaknesses.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

**Picture Message**

And I know yours ;)

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

...

Movie time?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

I'll bring the popcorn! :D

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Darcy?

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Yes dear?

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

You've captured my love, stolen my heart, changed my life. Every time you make a move, you destroy my mind, and the way you touch, I lose control and shiver deep inside. You take my breath away.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

GOD DAMMIT YOU SERENADED ME WITH QUEEN. You wonderful, beautiful, sneaky son of a bitch.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I have a few tricks up my sleeve ;)

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Then get up here, soldier, and show me the rest. I'm all yours :)

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

Yes ma'am.

* * *

To: Steve

From: Darcy

Also I have to give you a hickey. For science.

* * *

To: Darcy

From: Steve

I'm probably much happier not knowing the reasoning behind that, aren't I?


End file.
